July 25, 2025

"Put that in the other one in there."

C.S. Lewis had a character named MacPhee who once said, “The cardinal difficulty in collaboration between the sexes is that women speak a language without nouns.”

It's funny, but it's not just a joke. It’s also a real observation about how people tend to assume shared context differently.

MacPhee's example:

• Male version: “Put this bowl inside the bigger bowl which you’ll find on the top shelf of the green cupboard.”
• Female version: “Put that in the other one in there.”

The difference isn’t intelligence. It’s orientation. Many women—especially in familiar, domestic contexts—rely on shared space and nonverbal awareness. Many men, in those same contexts, expect precise, label-based descriptions. Neither way is better. But if you're not used to switching modes, you can feel like the other person is being either needlessly vague or overly literal.

What’s wild is how early this shows up. Kids pick up on these communication styles long before they’re consciously choosing them. And when we grow up, we bring these habits into our work, our marriages, our friendships.

Sometimes it leads to confusion. But other times it’s exactly what makes collaboration work. You’ll be scanning every shelf and still miss the “bigger bowl.” They’ll just walk up and grab it, no explanation needed. Or vice versa.

The real magic happens when you learn to listen inside the other person’s system. When you realize they’re not being unclear—they’re just speaking from a different map. The moment you stop needing them to talk like you, everything gets easier. And a lot more interesting.

I love this kind of difference. It doesn’t need to be erased. It needs to be appreciated, puzzled over, laughed about, and sometimes translated. Because what’s “in there” makes perfect sense once you’ve been shown where “there” is.